2017, Chapter 5

As this year rolls by the importance of travel in my life is becoming more and more prominent. May was the month before the Big Trip. Each day was crossed off in anticipation of this new adventure. Each weekend was spent shopping for it. 

A few years ago I lost weight, a reasonably substantial amount which rendered my entire wardrobe pretty useless. As time has gone on replacing that wardrobe has been an as-and-when sort of situation which has seen my stock of jumpers go through the roof and my summer wardrobe to flounder entirely. So this holiday has meant a lot of shopping. My bank account despises me right now. But it has also meant that I've had a new opportunity to push my boundaries. My clothing of choice is always big heavy jumpers and jeans. It's comfy, it's cosy and I don't have to worry about food babies. But I've decided that I need to grow out of that so I've been buying light, bright and floral. It's odd but I kind of like it.

All of this shopping has also led me to purchase my first ever "self-help" book as a holiday read. "The life-changing magic of not giving a f*ck" might well be my favourite book title of all time. I was watching a TED Talk by the author, Sarah Knight, and what she was saying really resonated with me so I took the plunge and added the category Self-help to my bookshelf. 

May has been an expensive month because it is also the month I decided to upgrade my camera. Since receiving my first DSLR (a Canon 400d) as a birthday present a few years ago photography has become a huge part of my life. It's something that I never quite get round to sharing on here properly which is one of many things that should change, but it's also something that has been growing for me so I took the plunge and upgraded. It is the best thing I've done in a while!

May has also been a month of realisations. Many, many realisations. The aforementioned Lumberjacks have come in and the trees are being cleared and I'm sitting back to see how some things pan out. One thing I can't afford to do that with is this blog.

I realise that I have been neglecting it for a while, it was never supposed to be a space for consumerism and it seems to have lost its way. This won't mean a lot to the majority of people reading this right now, but to the bloggers out there it will: the blogging world has changed. Dramatically. I don't like what it has become. This space was never meant to feed into that stream but it's dipped in and out, and now I want to take a breath to figure out where I want it to go.

It's quite a conscious space for me and that's something I never wanted it to be. I worry about being controversial, I worry that I'll say/write/think/do something wrong and this space will suddenly become poisoned by negativity - something I want to avoid at all costs.

So I'm taking a breath and deciding how I want to continue with it. 

The final thing I have learnt this month is the reality of having people reflect themselves onto you. For a long time I have listened to people telling me that I am something that I've learnt I am not, it is purely a reflection of themselves that they are picking out of me. It is a powerful lesson to learn. It has highlighted the importance of questioning people's opinions of you. No matter how much you respect a person it will never mean that they are always right. In fact, more often than not, you'll find they aren't. And, heartbreakingly, it may suddenly leave you questioning their level of respect for you. Always question your negative reviews because you might just find that you don't agree with them at all.

May has ended on a high. The sun has come out, the travel times have arrived (Mr M has even hinted that he has booked us a surprise trip...) and I've learnt lessons that I never knew I needed to learn. There's a break in work outside of work for a while and work inside of work is going really well. All of the hard work from early this year is paying off massively and I couldn't be happier with that fact.

Now, if only I could stop feeling restless and start relaxing...

If May was a colour it would be purple.